ADHD and Making Waves: How To Speak Up Without Rocking The Boat
Day 6: Speak Up
There are so many times in my life that I’ve opted to keep my mouth shut, rather then speak up.
Why?
Because I didn’t want to rock the boat.
A calm lake was my cup of tea. Smooth sailing, no ripples. I didn’t want to make waves.
I often chose to stay quiet…
if a meal came out and it wasn’t how I ordered it.
when I disagreed with my husband about something
if a boss asked me to do something that I really didn’t have the bandwith to do
at one of many home parties that I attended when I really didn’t want to buy anything but felt obligated to
when I didn’t like the way my nails were done
if I disagreed with a popular opinion
during a discussion when the other person’s energy was stronger than mine
In all of these instances the action that I chose was INaction. I chose to do nothing. (Which by the way is still doing something.)
The feeling that drove my inaction was typically fear.
Fear of what the other person may think. Fear of appearing rude. Fear of losing status in the other person’s eyes. Fear of being perceived a certain way. Fear of seeming unreasonable. Fear of appearing ridiculous. Fear of rejection. Fear of sounding dumb. Fear of where the conversation may end up (Not sure where, but for sure somewhere bad!).
So much fear.
I’d often tell myself I was taking “the higher road”. Like there is such a thing.
What if there is just truth or untruth?
We’re either telling the truth or we’re not. We’re either lying or we’re not.
When we lie to ourselves so that it’s easier to lie to others, the price is high. We stop respecting ourselves.
We compromise our integrity. We hold others in higher regard than we hold ourselves. The problem with that is that it’s often a lie too.
The only way to authentically love others is to authentically love ourselves.
When we love ourselves flaws and all, and are willing to listen to what we have to say and think, and hold the space for our opinion to be one of many valuable opinions…we then open up to loving others, flaws and all, listening to what they have to say and think, and then holding the space for their thoughts to also be one of many valuable opinions in the world.
The exchange can then become honest and true and loving vs fake and false and manipulative.
It will take a bit of bravery on our part. Are you up for it? ~Shaun
Oh and ps…about that title…there’s no way to speak up and guarantee that you won’t rock someone’s boat. How someone feels is completely on them. You can’t control it at all. So speak up and trust that they will be able to take care of themselves.
If you consider yourself a people pleaser and would like to learn another way to interact with others I’d love to talke with you. When you discover who it is you want to be, how to show up and be that person, a weight is lifted. So much time and energy is wasted when we overthink how to respond, what others might think, and why they might think it. Jump on a call with me by clicking the button below and booking a free consultation. If you’re ready for change in your life let’s do it! Coaching can help get you from where you are to where you want to be. It gets you looking at what’s possible for your future vs what’s probable based on your past.