Why You Do The Same Things Over And Over Again

Day 30: Repeating Behaviors

We repeat what we don't repair. - Christine Langley-Obaugh

Have you ever noticed patterns in your life that show up again and again?

Maybe you see yourself as a victim in a personal relationship. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself as a victim at work, and of circumstances in general.

Maybe you delay making a big life decision. But when you look closer, you realize that you see yourself hitting the brakes when you make any decision. Where to eat, what to wear, when to change jobs…

Maybe you’re an all or nothing thinker. You’ve left a trail of past relationships where you’ve thrown yourself in hook, line and sinker and then at the first sign of trouble you burn it all to the ground and start anew.

Whatever it may be, what I know for certain is, this is the way it works.

We all have ways of being that are unique to us. We are sent here with an infinate number of paths to explore. Some appear more readily than others. We start out on one path and follow it until it intersects with another.

We do this throughout our lives. Day by day walking from one path to another.

Some paths are long and weave through decades of our lives. Others are short and seasonal.

Our childhood and present, mixed with our preferences and tendencies, combined with our unique wiring come alongside somebody else’s childhood and present, mixed with their preferences and tendencies, combined with their unique wiring.

When this combining occurs, sometimes it’s incredible and sometimes it’s not.

When it’s not, we are given the opportunity to decide how we want to respond. What we want to make it all mean. Whether we want to change and grow, or whether we want to stay in the land of the familiar and repeat the lesson at a later time.

I like to see patterns as paths.

There are some paths that we want to repeat.

There are some paths that we want to change.

There are some paths in need of repair.

There are some paths that we are not even conciously aware of.

This is where Life Coaching comes in.

A Life Coach can help you see the paths and patterns that you weren’t even aware of, the ones that are holding you back, and help to illuminate them with the light of awareness so that you can choose what’s best for you.

Coaching is not a one size fits all journey. We’re all individuals walking our own individual paths. What’s right for one person may not be right for another. You get to decide.

As we become curious, and explore and stay open to possibility our unique paths are revealed to us.

Paths in need of repair that don’t get the attention that they need, show up again further down the road disguised as a “new” situation.

I love when I discover a new way of being. When something that once felt painful is no longer so.

I love working with my clients and coaching them to a place where they can feel better. They can see the past painful patterns as what they are, optional.

If you’re ready for change but not sure exactly how to go about it. If you are unclear as to what you want but just know that things should be different and better, let’s get on a call. I’ve opened up a few additional consultations for next week and would love to talk with you. ~Shaun

ADHD and Feeling Stuck: 3 Reasons Why You're Not Moving Forward

Day 26: Feeling Stuck

When you have #ADHD tendencies your brain can tend to hold you in lock down.

There are some very good, albeit slightly annoying reasons for this.

I’m going to go over 3 of them below.

1) Sensory Overload

2) Safety

3) Black and White Thinking

Let’s take a closer look at each one.

Picture a power circuit board with relay switches running all throughout your house to provide electricity.

Let’s then imagine your home is running at max capacity. Generating electricity for all things. The a/c, the washer and dryer, the appliances, everything is plugged in and buzzing. (Not ideal, but just go with me.)

What would happen if your neighbor decided to then connect their entire house directly to your circuit breaker to power their home?

I’ll tell ya…Snap, Crackle, POP! Your power would go out and the whole switchboard would blow a fuse. It’d hit maximum capacity and overload.

This can happen to our brains.

We have so very much on our minds. All of the thoughts, and the things we need to do and want to do.

We’re bombarded with all types of “noise” day in and day out. Electrical frequencies surround us. We’re almost always “plugged in”, literally! To a phone, an iPad, a computer, a TV…

It can feel very difficult to carve out some time away from it all. Time to reset, recharge.

When we don’t take a step back we can hit “system overload.” It can freeze us in our tracks. We just mentally shut down.

Another reason we can feel stuck is that our brains want to keep us safe.

They are very efficient at sniffing out “danger”.

Back in prehistoric times, we would sense danger and our “life saving brain chemicals” would kick in to help us respond appropriately, and well, save our lives.

Nowadays, our sensors are a bit off. We’re not out in the jungle trying to avoid lions, but rather we’re out in the world trying to avoid the discomfort of failure. Same brain chemicals kick in, so our brain’s response is automatic and unnecessary.

“Save yourself! Hide!” It’s a bit of an overreaction that needs to be managed.

In comes black and white thinking. This tendency will have you believing that something either has to happen one way or another, you will not have the ability to consider all of the options in between.

You’re automatic response sounds something like “if I don’t get this done by tomorrow, it’s over.”

One option. One solution. When often what’s best for you is some unique approach. (Typically not the first method that comes to mind.)

There’s good news here, all 3 of these things are fixable.

You can reset by taking a brisk walk outside or spending an afternoon doing something you love. Disonnect and reconnect with nature.

You can use metacognition (the skill of thinking about what you’re thinking about) to decide if you want to be scared and yet still do the thing that feels hard.

You can step outside of black and white thinking by asking yourself positive questions such as “What would be the most fun way to ______? How can I work on my project and experience some joy today? What’s the most creative way to get this job done? How might I do this if I switched things up a bit?”

Are you someone that gets stuck easily? I’d love to hear what trips you up and keeps you from moving forward on a project? If you’d like to learn more about how coaching can help you get unstuck, book a free consultation below and let’s get you moving towards what it is that you really want.

ADHD and Procrastination: Getting Started Is Half The Battle

Day 25: Procrastination - Just Get Started

What if the key to stopping procrastination was really simple?

What if it was just to decide to stop procrastinating.

Right now.

Just decide to stop. Stop waiting for a better time.

Take a step towards what you want.

And then start. Start that thing that your brain wants to suggest you do later.

Build up the muscle of overriding your default brain.

Build up the muscle of I can start even when I don’t want to.

The muscle of I can start even when I don’t feel like it.

The first step really truly is just to decide. 

When we make it more complicated than that, we then want to put off making the change.

People will say things like,

“I’m really going to try to get it done.”

“I want to stop procrastinating.”

”Why do I always procrastinate?”

There is no room for trying or wanting if you are going to stop. You just need to stop.

It takes no sustained effort to stop procrastinating.

The effort is in the deciding.

It’s like ripping off a bandaid that’s been attached for a long time. Count to 3 and just do the thing.

Procrastination works the same way. The more you just take action without waiting, the more your brain will believe that you’re not a procrastinator. 

Funny how that works. Fake it till you make it...

Although there’s no faking needed. Just decide you’re going to do things differently.

Then do it it differently.

If you’d like help learning how to do this, you’re in luck. That’s what I do. Teach people how to stop procrastinating, and coach them on why they want to. I have a few consultations open for this week. ~Shaun