ADHD Tendencies and Self-Regulation: The Struggle to Find The Perfect Pace

Cars have gauges to let them know when something is out of balance. Thermometers so that we know when the engine is too hot, gas gauges let us know when we're almost out of fuel, and speedometers let us know when we're moving too fast or too slow. 

As people we can overheat, we can run out of steam, or we can move at a steady pace. In general, our bodies are self-regulating. When something's out of whack, we experience a symptom of some sort. For those with ADHD tendencies, self-regulation can be a real challenge to say the least.  

Have you ever felt that one of your gauges didn't work? Or like maybe you were born without one?

As someone with ADHD tendencies, I have definitely felt like my time regulator or inner sense of time has always been a bit off. I have also felt that I may be missing an inner pace-setter. That part that tells me when to push harder or that I've pushed hard enough. How fast I should complete something vs how fast another hard worker would complete something, albeit someone without adhd tendencies. 

I've often thought what is the baseline? The industry standard? As someone who "listens in" and pays attention to others interactions, I've wondered how do they know what the pace should be? I have no natural sense for that. 

Here's what I mean:

In the past, when it came to how I lived my life, I would often say I was a "sprinter, not a marathoner", meaning I could go hard and fast for awhile and then would need some downtime. I wasn't good at pacing myself and didn't actually enjoy a slow and steady pace. 

Often I would channel an intense attention span (often referred to as hyper-focus) when necessary. When something really interested me I'd be all in, often at the expense of everything else.

It wasn't until I actually began running a few years ago, that I learned that I actually could run long distance if I paced myself. This made me consider what that would look like in my everyday life, in my work life.

What would happen if I paced myself? I had a belief that if I paced myself I would be holding back. Not giving as much as I was able. My challenge became, how do I overdeliver and yet set my own pace? When you don't have a pace-setter, how do you judge what is a perfect pace? If I used a frantic pace to determine when I'd worked hard enough, what did I use once I chose to drop "frantic" as a way of being?

When I found myself in job situations where the pace was fast and everchanging, I loved, loved, loved it, until I didn't. I would eventually burn out for lack of boundaries. The challenge of learning a new job, tackling a new challenge, solving a new problem was energizing. I would say "yes, sure, no problem, whatever you need" and then later wonder why I had hit a wall. For some reason, I believed it was my employer's responsibility to give me a reasonable amount of work. To have an idea of how long something should take. So. Not. True. 

My motto for this was "I can do anything for a week..., I can do anything for a year...I can do anything for a month." I was basically up for the challenge for as long as I could handle it. This wasn't a terrific way to live. I would let exhaustion be the key that I was done.

I'm still figuring this out. Not gonna lie. But I am getting better at it. I began planning more. Doing things on purpose, not because I could or felt I had to, or wanted to be a people pleaser. I began saying "yes" because I had time in my planner, or didn't and so would say "I can't today, but can by Monday" or "thank you for thinking of me, I just don't have time for that right now".

Want to chat with me a bit about some of your self-regulation issues? Book a 30-min consultation and see how coaching may be just the thing to help.

Time Challenges and ADHD Tendencies

Ask anyone who struggles with ADHD tendencies, and they are sure to tell you that the concept of time can be challenging.

In fact, not just the concept of time but being on time, scheduling time, prioritizing things, knowing the length of time something will take, how long it will take to get somewhere, how long it will actually take to get out the door, how much can be done in a certain amount of time, how to spend time that is suddenly "extra", the list goes on.

A big part of the reason for that struggle is because of what's known as our Executive Function (EF). Executive Function is a group of mental processes that help us to get things done. They help us to organize, plan and connect the dots between our past and experiences and our present. Estimating time, awareness of the passing of time and prioritizing all fall under the management of our (EF).

If we look more closely at the awareness of time, for the "neuro-typical" aka "non-adhd" brain, time moves along a line, like a timeline. There are hours, minutes, days, weeks, months and years that are considered. For the "ADHD tendency" brain, time tends to move in a circle. There are really only two measurements of time, now and not now. Because of this, people with ADHD tendencies can have a difficult time grasping the concept of time and tend to have trouble judging how quickly it's passing. In the "not now" period, nothing is urgent. There is plenty of time. When suddenly something moves into the "now" period, everything becomes an emergency and panic mode can set in. Any of this sound familiar?

Many of my clients are super hard workers that are committed to getting things done. Where things can get messy is in determining how long it will take to get it done. A new project will come their way that they are very excited about. They often have the best of intentions and may think faster is better, many of them can be very detail oriented and are aware of their tendency to get trapped in the weeds. Because of this they may err against that tendency and commit to completing something sooner than is possible. They often commit without having any real sense of how long it should take. That "sense" of time can just be off. 

One simple strategy to help with this is to guesstimate how long something will take-either how long it will take to complete it, or how long it will take to get somewhere etc. Once you come up with a length of time, DOUBLE IT! That's right, times two. This simple step alone will start to shift you into the time-awareness zone and out of the twilight zone! Once you do that, pay attention on the back end of things and ask yourself: 

How was my timing?

Did I allow too much time? Not enough time?

Would I do it the same next time?

While we're talking about time, there's no time like the present! Why don't you take a quick second and book a 30 minute mini-session with me? If you could wake up tomorrow and feel differently or do something differently, what would it be?

There's no commitment, and I know that coaching can help. I'd love to hear what you're struggling with and offer some help. Things can get better starting right now.

Essential Oils Part II-Sneak Peek At My Week Using Essential Oils

What I personally love about essential oils (EOs) is that using them can be a very intuitive and creative process.  

What do I mean by that?

Each of us is created differently and as such our oil needs will be unique to us.  Without delving too deeply into the "hows" of EOs, I will say that EOs are truly the "life source" of the plant from which they are extracted. They are the highly concentrated oil from the plant, that is collected and bottled once it has gone through the distilling process.  Young Living Essential Oils has a Seed to Seal process that was a large part of why I decided to choose them as my oil supplier.  Each oil contains different chemical constituents, and when these chemical constituents interact with us at a sensory and cellular level we can feel better and our overall health efforts can be supported.  This is where the creativity and intuitiveness comes in.  

Many people are familiar with the scent of lavender and how it can be extremely calming and relaxing.  In fact, lavender is often used in spa environments for that very reason.  Many of us may also know that lemon is very fresh smelling and when mixed with vinegar or baking soda can offer itself as a great cleaning agent.  There is a reason most mouthwashes and toothpastes are peppermint flavored...You guessed it! It's fresh taste and scent helps to combat bad breath! Starting with this most basic of information, EOs can be used in a similar fashion.  

Certain oils are known for helping to support various systems of the body.  If for example, you are suffering from seasonal respiratory distress, combining lavender, lemon and peppermint in a diffuser can help support your overall respiratory system.  Should you have a sudden upset stomach or indigestion from that delicious spicy Thai food, Di-Gize, a blend of oils which contains Tarragon, Ginger, Peppermint, Fennel and Anise among other oils can help support your digestive system.  My daily question then becomes "which of my systems need the most support today"? To paint a picture of what this looks like for me, I'll give you an example of one of my days last week.

I actually "started" my day the night before by diffusing something relaxing, so that I could feel that sense of peace and relaxation while sleeping.  I used about 8 drops of Lavender oil and set my diffuser to the "intermittent" setting, so that it was on for 30 seconds and then off for 30 seconds for 7 hours, maximizing my oil by not running continuously through the night.  I love how my diffuser can run while I sleep and I can enjoy the scent unmonitored (unlike a candle).

When I woke up the next day (feeling mighty rested I must say), right off I drank a glass of warm water with 2 drops of *Lemon Vitality Oil in it.  So refreshing and a great eye opener.  

*Fun Fact* -Lemon Oil is made from the rind of the lemon rather than the pulp (which is used to make lemon juice). It takes about 75 lemons to make enough for one 15 ml bottle of Lemon Essential Oil. This is why one drop of Lemon essential oil is so concentrated and full of goodness.

*Young Living Vitality Oils are Generally Regarded as Safe for consumption and are labeled as such.

I then brushed my teeth with 1 drop of Thieves Vitality oil dropped right on top of my toothpaste. It not only gives my toothpaste a spicy kick (think cinnamon and cloves) but it is a great way to support my gum health!

Before I started working, I moved a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer and guess what-I no longer use Bounce sheets! Instead, I take a damp washcloth, add about 3-4 drops of Purification Oil (both of my kids favorite scent) and toss it into the dryer with the clothes.  The laundry comes out smelling amazing (think Lemongrass, Rosemary, Tea Tree, Myrtle, Citronella and Lavender)! *Side note-While we love the scent of Purification Blend, bugs not so much! You can apply this bad boy right to your skin and then head outdoors for a hike or bike ride.  The oils help support the bug deterrent system! (Not sure if that is a thing?! But you know what I mean)

Time to get down to business! I had computer work time and two coaching appointments on the agenda.  I put Lemon and Peppermint in my diffuser (6 drops of each) to put a little energetic pep in my step and dove head first into the rest of the day.

I went to lunch with my dad and when we got back, my Great Dane Miso had consumed most of the contents of the kitchen trash can.  This is a rare occurrence these days, after 6 years we have gotten pretty good at making sure the garbage lid is locked and the counters are cleared of enticing foods when we leave.  Not today.  There were remnants of corn on the cob, chicken scraps, you name it she consumed it...and the aftermath was not good.  Poor thing had an upset tummy that night-apparent by her pouting, laying very still and vomiting (more than once). I combined 2 drops of Di-Gize with Apricot Seed Oil and applied it to her tummy.  Let me tell you, a sick Great Dane is no fun.  

Later that night after dinner, hubs and I went for a walk in the neighborhood.  I had seen blossoms starting to form on the trees earlier in the day, and knowing how I can often experience some seasonal respiratory discomfort, I added a 2 drops each of lemon, lavender and peppermint oil to my water (in a glass bottle as the oils can disintegrate plastic) and off we went. 

I could go on and on about the many ways that I am using my oils. About how each day I am discovering something new.  (Peppermint brownies anyone?!) I love that every time I find a new way to use them, I am supporting my wellness baseline in some way.  I am making one small change for the better.

A few things to note-does everyday go like this? Not at all.  In fact since every day is different, so are the oils that I use.  Some days I use more, some days I use less.  They have become my "go to" because in each of the scenarios mentioned above, I could turn to synthetic products to support the same things and I figure if there's a natural way to support myself I want to try that first.  We are already exposed to so many chemicals and substances that don't benefit us, why add to it? Feel free to browse around my Young Living Essential Oils page and research for yourself some of the types of products that are available. 

I have learned so much through my process of researching oils and would love to answer any questions that you may have.  I'm available via phone anytime, click the button below to chat about oils! What are you curious about?