Change Your Thoughts To Change Your Life

Day 8: Thoughts

Our thoughts are powerful.

I do free consultations each week.

There is not currently any type of requirement to jump on a consultation with me. You don’t have to meet certain criteria to “qualify” for a consultation.

We set a time, jump on a call, you share with me what’s been going on, where you feel stuck, what feels overwhelming.

I sometimes think about setting some requirements before we talk. An application of sorts. What I know is that my clients that invest in themselves often see the greatest results.

By answering a few short questions I can usually tell if you’re ready for a change. I mean really, really ready for a change.

That’s what I love doing the most. Helping those people, who just like me, back 7 years ago are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I was committed to figuring things out. Then I booked a consultation, ready and hoping to have an action to take.

I was willing to do whatever it took for change to happen.

I didn’t have belief in my ability, but my coach did, and I decided to have belief in her.

Back to what happens when we’re on a consultation call…

By the end of the call most people I talk to have a taste of what change could feel like.

They want to believe that it’s possible for them.

They are curious about the coaching process because it sounds like a different approach.

Most have tried taking various actions to get the results they want. From a new planner, to Weight Watchers, to a budgeting app, to an online course, they’ve tried a few things before they’ve decided to book a free call with me.

At the end of the session some of them believe they can’t afford coaching.

They think the cost (out of pocket) is more than their budget can handle.

I think NOT coaching is more than their budget can handle.

Here’s what I mean by that.

What is the cost of continuing the way things are going and not changing? What will you miss out on? How could you have grown and what could you have accomplished if you started now vs waiting until a “better” time?

I get it, I’ve been there, and then I wasn’t.

I know that by becoming the best version of ourselves, we have access to more income. 

When we value ourselves more we invite others to value us more too.

When I hired my first coach, I heard the price, had an immediate thought of “oh wow, that is not what I had in mind.” (In fact it was about 3x what I thought it’d cost!)

I decided in that moment to believe so hard in myself and in her ability to help me that I decided to figure it out no matter what. And I did!

I found a way (it ended up being a payment plan) to get the result I was after.

It paid off. It was the start of a new chapter for me. I learned to stop shaming myself. I valued myself more.

The thought that I hear most often is “I just need a bit of time to figure it out.”

I soooo get it. As people with high functioning adhd, or adhd tendencies, we are used to “figuring things out.” We are confident in our ability to be resourceful and figure something out.

When it comes to getting forward motion in your life. I’d like to offer that the pause to figure things out can be the thing that keeps you from moving ahead. Decide, go all in, and THEN commit to figuring it out.

If you think that you alone need to figure out how to pay for coaching, I bet that you also believe that you alone can figure out how to manage your adhd tendencies. How has that worked up to this point?

My guess is that it hasn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.

What if what you needed, was to figure it out with someone else, someone who gets you?

“I need to figure it out” is an innocent sounding but often not very helpful thought.

What can you think instead that will have you believing ahead of time that you will figure it out no matter what?

~Shaun

What Do ADHD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Emetophobia Have In Common? Comorbidity

Day 7: Comorbidity

ADHD rarely travels alone…

“Roughly half of all adults with ADHD have a comorbid condition. Like learning disorders, depression or anxiety.” Silver, Larry. “When It’s Not Just ADHD: Uncovering Comorbid Conditions.” ADDitude, ADDitude Magazine, April/May 2006, https://www.additudemag.com/when-its-not-just-adhd/.

There are so many things that are not well known when it comes to ADHD.

It’s my goal to share as much as I can to help you along your journey.

One thing that is often a surprise to my clients is that ADHD often does not travel alone.

More often than not, there are one or more conditions that it’s paired with.

What that means is, it can be tricky. Many adults that have ADHD that went undiagnosed most of their lives have struggled in another area. In fact, they may have even been treated for another thing instead of the ADHD.

Why?

Because the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

When multiple things are going on, the thing that screams out the loudest is often what we go to get help for.

It doesn’t mean that the secondary things are any less important, or that the impact of addressing them wouldn’t be life changing. We often just don’t know what we don’t know.

Once we do an initial consult and I have the opportunity to hear more about a person, I’m typically able to dig a little bit deeper and uncover a comorbid condition. (Let me be clear, I’m not a Dr. and if you are after a diagnosis that is definately who you should see.)

They’ll often say “oh, I’m dyslexic”, or “I’ve been treated for depression, but that was awhile ago”, “It sounds weird but I’m sensitive to background noises. I don’t like loud places, or the sound of chip bags crinkling during a movie (Misophonia).”

Or more commonly they won’t have a diagnosis, but when I describe “the thing”, they are like “wow, that is so me! I had no idea other people felt this way!” Which is always super fun because I remember for myself how helpful it was to have my first coach “normalize” my experience by sharing that it was common and nothing to be freaked out by.

So let’s define the fancy term. Comorbidity.

“the simultaneous presence of two chronic diseases or conditions in a patient.”

It sounds a lil scary to be honest.

Here’s what it looks like for me.

I’m emetophobic. Fyi, it’s about to get super real here. I know there are others like me (millions), and yet I also know that most of the population will have not one bit of understanding for what I’m about to talk about.

It’s ok. If you’re curious stay awhile. If not, catch me on the next post ;-)

Emetophobia is a phobia that causes overwhelming, intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting.

Yeah, I know, super weird.

I didn’t choose it, but somehow here we are.

To further elaborate on what it is…

This specific phobia can also include subcategories of what causes the anxiety, including a fear of vomiting in public, a fear of seeing vomit, a fear of watching the action of vomiting or fear of being nauseated.

For real for real, I have not been sick (ie vomited) since I was like 9 years old. Even when I feel awful and probably should, I won’t. Because you know, it seems like it could kill a person.

I have all of these ways to navigate it. (for those of you who are fellow emetophobes I promise a different post with details)

Here’s what I can say about it. It affected my daily life.

I used to be afraid to travel, go to amusement parks, eat sushi, drink too much, go to parties where other people would drink too much, get pregnant (hello morning sickness!). All of those things felt scary.

Why? Because they could all make you sick. Or put you in close proximity to someone who could be sick.

I never even considered ADHD. Are you kidding me?! I could barely manage the panic attacks around vomit.

Anyways, for the longest time I didn’t say a word to anyone but my close family. They all called it “my reaction” from the age of 9. It was really panic attacks that I was having. I didn’t realize that until much later.

What I hope this post does is share that it’s ok. You’re not weird. Everybody has something that they deal with. There’s freedom in sharing. Freedom in knowing that you can just be you and what others think is none of your business.

When I finally lifted my head up from anxiety and panic attacks I saw ADHD.

My son gave me a gift. Because I had him, and wanted to help him, I was also able to help myself.

Through researching why he struggled in school, I inadvertently realized I was wired much like him.

A gift.

I may not have ever looked into it otherwise, and knowing what I do now I’m so much better equipped to manage this busy mind of mine.

If you strugge with ADHD tendencies, emetophobia or anything really, I’d love to connect. That first step is often the hardest, but can change the way you live.

~Shaun

What is High Functioning ADHD?

Day 4: High Functioning ADHD

So many of the women I work with have felt this way.

I did.

You may not really even know what ADHD is, but you HAVE had a sneaking suspicion that you kinda, sorta are ADD some of the time.

You may be forgetful, even when you don't want to be, or when you have the best of intentions.

You may have a hard time coming up with a word you're looking for in a conversation. Often feeling like something that you want to say is "on the tip of your tongue, but just out of reach"

You may find yourself in situations where had you remembered ahead of time, you could have taken care of something one way, but because you remembered at the very last minute (just in the nick of time) you had to come up with a creative solution to get the job done. (Also known as McGyvering)
 

If these things sound familiar, you may be a person (myself included) that I lovingly refer to as having high functioning ADHD.

For the longest time, you may have moved along through life pretty well, and then it seemed that out of the blue, something happened and you felt less able to cope. Less able to manage all of the moving parts of this day to day thing we call life.

If you look at two specific groups,

1) those that are diagnosed with ADHD and have had symptoms of it throughout much of their life (often diagnosed in childhood and often treated with medication), and

2) those that do not have ADHD or its symptoms,

You may think to yourself on the one hand "well, I don't really feel like I fit into either group. I don't think I need medication. I have managed to get along pretty well in life. I'm not hyperactive. I can hold down a job. I can focus sometimes. It's not THAT bad."

On the other hand, you know that you struggle more than those around you with details and organization.

You may

• be time-challenged

• have a hard time focusing on certain types of work

• catch yourself running up and down the stairs 4-5 times forgetting what you went up for each time.

• read the same page of a book multiple times, each time reaching the bottom and wondering what it was you just read (that is if you read books at all!)

• have so many projects started and not many finished.

You just don't fit in a neat tidy box.

You're quirky and unique and a bit unorthodox. You're creative and personable and very often kind. (More about this in another blog post.)

What does that mean about you and ADHD?

Chances are if you've felt overwhelmed, scattered, forgetful, stuck, distracted, unorganized, confused and you've Googled anything about ADHD you may have high functioning ADHD.

It's not an "official" term mind you.

It just means that you experience the common symptoms of ADHD, but maybe to a lesser degree than those that have been diagnosed. You may very well have ADHD (you should always talk to your Dr. if you suspect that is the case and want to seek out a formal diagnosis.)

So what now? 

• ADHD is all about managing your mind - The tools that you use to manage your mind will be different depending on the degree that your life is affected.

• Nothing's broken. Every person on the planet has to manage their mind, lest it get the better of them. Some of us need to manage it a little more than others.

• The label is helpful if it helps you, and not helpful if it doesn't. Knowing that ADHD affects the part of your brain responsible for making decisions and organizing and prioritizing and remembering is why it's helpful to know about it. It can give context to what you may be experiencing. That's all.

Tell me, what are your thoughts?

If you suspect you may be struggling with ADHD type of symptoms and wpuld like someone to talk to to sort it all out. Let’s jump in a call! We jump on Zoom, from the comfort of your own home. You tell me your story and ask me any questions. I’m completely at your service for 45 minutes.

The only way to change things is to try something different. 

Click here to book a free mini-session.