ADHD and Free Will: The Rumors Are True, You Can Choose More For Yourself

Day 21: Choice

When we have adhd tendencies, it can feel like we can’t make ourselves do what we know we should do.

Like we’re at the effect of those around us and worse yet, our own brains!

Let me be the first to tell you. It’s a lie. The stereotype of adhd that says you just can’t help but to follow the shiny object is wrong.

Rumor has it that you can choose to believe something different about yourself. Guess what?! It’s true!

You have the power within you to choose more. We all do.

In every situation you may find yourself in, you always have a choice.

Many of my clients don’t believe that. In fact, I’d say many people don’t believe that.

They want to say “You don’t know my situation. I literally don’t have a choice. It’s out of my control.”

When you say that, you’re using the most disempowered voice available to you.

You’re choosing to act as if decisions happen outside of you.

Here this. No matter the situation, you alwaaaayyyyyysssss have a choice. Even when you feel like you don’t.

You may feel like the cards area stacked against you. Like the only option is to do what you’re doing.

• More bills than income

• A husband who’s the primary breadwinner, so no “say” in how money is spent.

• A relative who needs financial help

• A health diagnosis that is affecting your day to day life

• A job that is not satisfying, but is what puts food on the table

• A project that has multiple steps that feels overwhelming

Whatever it is. You can choose how to react to it. How to respond. What you’re going to do about it.

You believe that the only thing to do is accept it until you can “catch a break”.

Can I sing a little Bon Jovi to you for a moment?

“Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain't enough
You've got to make your own breaks.”

~Lyrics from “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi

That last line…”You’ve got to make your own breaks.”

The way you make your own breaks is to question your thought that the way you’re doing it is the only way.

That’s never easy. Your brain will offer up lots of proof that it’s true. Your brain is scared and wants to protect you from the worst thing that can happen. Whatever that may be.

The way to question what you doing is to ask yourself do you like what you’re choosing? Do you like why you’re choosing it?

If you don’t like what you’re choosing, and you don’t like why you’re choosing it (because it feels like the only choice), let’s jump on a consult call. Give me 45 minutes of your time to help you gain some perspective on how you might consider choosing differently. That’s all it takes to get you headed in the direction of your choice.

On that call my goal is to help you see that change is possible. I know it is for those that are ready. It is my goal to help you gain some clarity, and come to a decision if you’re ready to change your life or not by working together in a coaching relationship.

I’m 100% ok no matter what you decide, I just want to help you decide what you really want and help you determine if you like your reason for choosing it. It’s the first step in making better decisions for yourself in all areas of life.

If you want more, it’s available to you. I’d love to show you how. It’s one of the things I do as a Life Coach. ~Shaun

PS Check out today’s bonus! I get some of my best ideas while I’m driving or in the shower. Today’s post was inspired by some thoughts that I had while driving yesterday. Thought I’d share the audio here, even though the quality is not so great (and I use the word “like” a million times). It’s unedited, but passionate. Thought it may inspire someone.

Nothing Else Needed: ADHD and Feeling Like You're Never Enough

Day 18: Being Enough

I’m not enough.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know I have.

As a woman with ADHD tendencies, there are those days where I simply feel like I’m not enough.

Like something within me is broken.

Like things that feel so challenging for me seem so easy for others.

Sometimes when you’ve spent a lifetime being subtly corrected for things like

being unorganized

running late

poor planning

taking a long time to finish somthing

not finishing many things

having piles of stuff

shutting down

being super sensitive

being unreliable

forgetting things

misplacing things

losing things

the list goes on…

you can feel like something’s gone horribly wrong. You may feel llike you’re not even really an adult. You can barely take care of yourself, let alone anyone else.

If and when you feel this way pause and remember that you are not your condition.

You are enough. Exactly as you are.

You are worthy. There is nothing that needs to be done to earn or prove that you’re worthy. You just are.

Every single one of us was born that way. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

When you are tempted to look outside of yourself for a solution…nothing else is needed.

When you are tempted to find another planner, chart, program, system…nothing else is needed.

Just start from the place that nothing else is needed.

Just you.

You are enough.

~Shaun

The Magic Art of Managing Your Mind

Day 15: Mind Management

Which comes first the chicken or the egg?

Do feelings happen to us or do we create how we feel by what we think?

For a minute, pretend with me that we have complete control over how we think.

What I mean is, there are situations or scenarios that happen in life, we then have thoughts about them (based on our unique life experiences), and our thoughts generate feelings in our body.

Now let’s take it a step further and really play this out.

Imagine you are in Vegas at a magic show. The magician (me) is 100% convinced that how you feel and act is 100% controlled by your brain (not by outer circumstances).

I’m going to prove it to you during my show, by hypnotizing you and “talking” to the part of your brain that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I tell you that after snapping my fingers and counting backwards from 5, you will be hypnotized. Able to hear my voice, but only one part of your brain will be actively engaged. The part that regulates emotions, feelings and thoughts.

I then tell you that I am going to describe 3 different scenarios and each time I do, I will hold up various “feeling” signs, and you are going to scan for that feeling in your body. If you feel it, you’ll raise your hand, and I’ll then ask you what you’re thinking and for you to share your thoughts with us.

Ok, here we go. Pretend with me that you’re now hypnotized and a part of the show.

Scenario one:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I want you to imagine we’re nearing the end of our show, when suddenly a fire breaks out backstage. You’re all firefighters. ”

I hold up a card that says Brave and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I’m trained for this. Don’t worry, I’ll save us. I’ve rescued someone from a fire before.”

Next I hold up a card that says Confident and some of you share thoughts like “I’ve got this. I’m the right person for this job. Nobody works better under pressure than me.”

Finally, I hold up a card that says Terrified and a few of you share the thoughts “What am I even doing here? This is bad. We’re going to die!”

Scenario two:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. We’re all at a Broadway musical together and the lead singer injures themselves during scene 3. We’ll all be stuck in this theater together forever unless the entire show is complete.”

I hold up a card that says Capable and some of you share thoughts like “The show must go on! I’ll do my best to take their place and finish the show. This could be fun.”

Next I hold up the card that says Distracted and a few of you share the thought “This show was boring anyway. I wonder what’s happening outside of the theater? When are we going to eat?”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Excited and a couple of you share the thoughts “I’ve always wanted to act on the big stage! This may be my big break! I wonder who might discover me!”

Scenario three:

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…next scenario. The fire is under control and the show is over. You are all detectives and are tasked with figuring out what happened. Who set the fire and how did the lead actress get injured?”

I hold up the card that says Curious and some of you raise your hands and share thoughts like “I wonder where the fire started and who was backstage at that time. Could there be a connection between the actress getting injured and the fire?”

Next I hold up the card that says Determined and some of you share that you’re thinking “I’m going to ask questions until I get to the bottom of this. I’ll figure this out no matter what.”

Finally, I hold up the card that says Exhausted and a few of you think “Just what I need, another open case. I’ve got too many that I’m working on already. I’m so tired.”

“Now I’m going to count backwards from 10 and you’re all going to slowly come back to the present, using all parts of your brain. You’ll hold on to the belief that you can create your feelings with your mind.

Wait, what if you really can create feelings with your mind?

What if what you chose to think determines how you feel?

What if setting down feelings of distraction, boredom, overwhelm, worry, confusion becomes easier when we notice what we’re thinking when we feel those things?

What if rather than make it mean our brains are broken, or doing their own things and running the show, we just made it mean our brain was normal and just needed a baby sitter. Someone in charge.

As humans, we have the ability to think about what we think about. We can decide if a thought is serving us. If it’s making us feel the way we want to feel.

If a particular feeling isn’t working for us, we can change it. By thinking something different.

We often think we need to DO something different to feel better. It starts with THINKING something different.

Once we think differently, we’ll feel differently and can DO differently from there.

If you have any interest in learning how this is done, join me for my next free lunch and learn webinar on May 29th at 12 Noon PST.