Decide Every Day: Intentions and ADHD

Day 13: Intentions

Decide every day.

Let me put that another way. We GET to decide every day.

That’s what I noticed today.

That even though I spend a bit of time each day working on my mind and thoughts, I still can slide off course. Easily in fact.

I used to think I was indecisive. I had a hard time knowing what I wanted. I would consider things for quite some time before I would commit.

Especially if someone else was involved.

In the instances when it was just me, for example when I had to travel solo for work, or was on a trip to visit my sister on the East Coast, it felt easier. I would do what I wanted to do and had complete clarity around it.

If I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I’d just start somewhere and figure it out.

This past year I’ve done so much work around making strong decisions for myself.

Practicing speaking up.

Practicing knowing what I want.

Practicing following my compass.

Practicing saying yes and figuring out the how after.

Until I didn’t. Until I just stopped.

It’s been a slow quiet slide back into familiar territory, but I realized today that I’d set some intentions that I hadn’t followed through on.

I’d committed to starting a fitness program.

I’d committed to investing in facebook ads.

I’d committed to drinking less chai. (Seriously though, it’s delicious and PACKED with sugar)

I’d committed to a glass of wine every now and then, instead of each night.

I’d committed to 30 blogs in 30 days and made it to day 19 before I stopped.

I decided to be gentle and curious with myself.

Why hadn’t I followed through on these things when I’d already decided to?

I saw new circumstances.

A few minor injuries that have left me feeling frustrated.

Some health scares with hubby that have left me feeling vulnerable.

The logistics of listing a home.

A poisonous thought that I’d let creep in “I can do __________ in spite of __________”

I wanted to blame the circumstances. Because it makes sense. It seemed reasonable.

Until it didn’t.

Here’s the thing. I felt out of integrity with myself. That’s not a good feeling.

I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching. I wasn’t practicing what I believe in wholeheartedly. What I know works for me.

Deciding ahead of time and following through.

I spent some time looking at where I was and where I wanted to be.

I’ve decided to course correct. I’m using it as a lesson. Something to be aware of.

No beating myself up. No shame. No “of course this happened it’s what you do”.

None of that.

Just love and gratefulness that I noticed and am back on track.

Where have your intentions slipped? Where do you feel you’ve gone sideways and lost your way?

Guess what? We get to decide every day.

It’s not one and done. Each and every day we get to decide what we want and go get it.

We get to redecide. We HAVE to redecide.

Book a free consultation and let’s talk. It always helps to have a neutral party hear you out and ask meaningful questions. I’d love to help.

~Shaun

ADHD and The Model: A Framework To Manage Your Mind

Day 10: The Model

Today I want to teach you The Model.

And no, I don’t mean the type of model that walks a catwalk, as portrayed in the picture above, but The Model that was created by #BrookeCastillo of The Life Coach School. It’s a tool, a framework really, that we can use to examine our thoughts and our feelings and ultimately our results.

She’s the first to say that it’s based on universal concepts that are not new. It’s just a handy way to see the connection between what we think and our current results. As a Life Coach certified through The Life Coach School, I use The Model with my clients and have found it invaluable in my everyday life.

Here we go.

The Model is composed of 5 parts. Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions and Results.

When we are “doing a model”, we want to write the 5 letters down on a piece of paper like so.

C

T

F

A

R

Let’s take a minute to go over each of the individual componenets. I’m going to define each as it relates to and works when using The Model.

C stands for Circumstances. These are facts. Everyone in the world would agree on them. They don’t include opinions. They are neutral. Not good or bad. They are often out of our control.

T stands for Thoughts. These are sentences in our brains. When we’re doing a model, we want to think of one thought at a time, or one thought per model. Thoughts include opinions. They are what we think about the circumstances happening around us.

F is for Feelings. For the purposes of The Model, Feelings are going to be one word vibrations that we feel in our body. They are emotions. Things like happy, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, embarrassed, capable.

A is for Actions, Inactions or Reactions. They are the things that we do (or don’t do) when we feel a certain way.

R stands for Results. These are the results that are created by our Actions or Inactions.

When running a model, the following is always true. Circumstances happen to us all. We have thoughts about them. Our thoughs generate feelings. Our feelings cause our actions, and our actions create our results.

All of the results that we have in life are created by our thoughts. One thing to keep in mind is our results will ALWAYS prove our thought to be true.

Another helpful thing to remember is negative thoughts generate negative feelings and create negative results. Positive thoughts, generate positive feelings and create positive results.

Let me give an example of how this works.

Let’s say Trish has a lot to get done at home and at work. She is worried about finishing everything. She knows that if she doesn’t get her job duties done, she is at risk for being written up. She is always running late, and often forgets where she put her to do list. Her husband is frustrated that she’s not more on top of things. He tries to help by moving all of her things to one pile for her to go through.

Here’s how one model may look.

C - Trish has 4 projects due by next Friday at work. She has 23 items on a to do list at home. Her boss has said “If you’re late again I will need to write you up.” Her husband moved all of her papers to one pile.

T - I’d lose my head if it wasn’t connected to my body.

F - Incompetent

A - Stay busy trying to get it all done. Avoids planning on calendar. Spends time digging through new pile that her husband made for her. Works on the fun to do items, but hesitates to start the important tasks. Waits until the night before and then stays up all night trying to complete her projects.

R - Stays disorganized. Can’t find what she needs.

If Trish were to actuallly take the time to take a look at what she’s thinking she may see that her thought is not helping her. Here’s what her model may look like after she became aware of what she was currently doing.

C - (Stays the same) Trish has 4 projects due by next Friday at work. She has 23 items on a to do list at home. Her boss has said “If you’re late again I will need to write you up.” Her husband moved all of her papers to one pile.

T - I take care of business.

F - Competent

A - Take a look at all that needs to be done. Pick her top 3 priorities on her home to do list. Write out all of the things that need to be done for her work projects. Evaluate if there’s enough time to complete all 4 projects. Add the various project to do’s to her calendar. Stick to the plan. Ask her husband to not move her things as it makes it harder for her to find things. If he wants an area cleared, just ask her to take care of it.

R - She makes progress on work projects. Communicates needs to her husband and knocks out a few items on her home to do list.

The Model can be applied to any life circumstance. It is a really clean way of looking at how you may be contributing to the drama in your life. It can help you take responsibility and make changes in areas that felt out of your control.

What do you think? If you have any questions about how The Model can be applied to your own life, I’d love to jump on a free consult. Schedule a call today!

What Do ADHD And Negative Thinking Have To Do With The TV Show Catfish?

Day 9: Negative Thinking

The Urban Dictionary defines the term Catfish as:

“Someone who pretends to be someone else, especially on the internet.”

Have you ever seen the tv show Catfish?

In it MTV and the shows producers try to help people determine if the person that they have been “virtually dating” are real (meaning truthful and honest about who they are) or a “catfish” (someone pretending to be one way online, but in reality are completely different).

I remember being sucked into this show for a minute. It felt entertaining. I was always drawn in by the facade that was presented, and how completely differnt reality sometimes was.

What does this have to do with ADHD you ask? I think the key word is sneaky. Catfish’s are sneaky. They fool people into believing something that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

When we have ADHD tendencies there can be a lot of thoughts. A lot of negative thoughts. These thoughts can often sound pretty.

Thoughts like:

• “I’ll start tomorrow.”

This thought sets you up to procrastinate. One of the primary things that we struggle with when we have adhd is putting things off. Keep in mind, while you may not feel like doing something today, anything that can be done today that will move you closer to your goal will help. Why wait?

• “I do better when I multi-task.”

This can feel true sometimes. The truth is, none of us do better when we multi-task. Things take longer to accomplish because we are stopping and starting and needing to get back up to our rhythm each time we switch our focus. Telling yourself this just makes you feel better in the moment, but can hurt you in the long run.

• “Some of my best work happens in the final hours.”

A hard deadline can be helpful in pushing (forcing) you to get something done. Why? Because there’s no other option. It does not mean it’s your best work. What if you created the sense of urgency ahead of time, on the front end? You would then have time in the final hours to review and make any changes. You’d also release a lot of the stress that comes with butting up against a deadline.

• “I’m a sprinter not a marathoner.”

This sounds fancy. It sounds well thought out. What if it was just an excuse to accommodate your current work style? A way to accomodate a work style that isn’t helping you reach your goals? It sounds like a pretty thought, but is anything but pretty. It can actually hold you back.

• “Friends and family always come first.”

Again, this sounds so nice. But what if by always being available for others, you are never available for yourself? Never showing up for yourself the way you show up for others. What if that’s what’s required for you to become a better version of yourself?

Thoughts that are negative often can sound pretty. It’s our brains way of keeping us the same. Maintaining the status quo. I’ve coined a term for this. I call it thoughtfishing. When our negative thoughts pretend to be pretty. It’s harmful because it feels good in the moment, but ultimately keeps us from reaching our dreams.

Tell me, have you experienced this? What is your go to thoughtfish? ~Shaun