Silence Suffering: When Quiet Makes You Uncomfortable

Day 5: Silence

Today’s topic is one that I haven’t heard discussed very often.

I’ve decided to call it Silence Suffering. It sounds similar to silent suffering (when we suffer in silence.) That is when something is making us uncomfortable and we keep it to ourselves suffering in silence.

What I’m referring to is when the actual silence that can occur during a conversation makes you uncomfortable.

That feeling that you get while in the midst of a conversation and then suddenly the conversation runs dry…Often leaving an awkward pause or void to fill.

When you have adhd tendencies, it’s common to make the silence mean something something’s gone wrong.

Think about it, has this happened to you?

What is it that makes the silence so difficult to bear?

The next time it happens to you, here’s three tips to help you get through it.

1) Notice it - when you feel the quiet, welcome it. Notice the urge to fill the void. Pause. Allow the urge to talk to be there, but don’t talk. Let the other person say the next thing. (Unless of course they asked you a question! That would just be weird :-D)

2) Label it - Think to yourself “this is quiet.” Test it out like when you dip a toe into a pool to guage the temperature. See how you feel about it. What are you making the silence mean? Is it your job to manage the flow of the convo?

3) Listen - Use it as an opportunity to double down and build the skill of listening. Ask the other person a question, and allow them to speak for awhile. Be genuinely curious about them. Practice listening hard. A nice way to practice strengthening your focus muscle is to listen deliberately.

Tell me, have you experienced the discomfort of a quiet space in conversation. Do you rush in to fill it up by talking and talking and talking?

Why?

I’d love to hear more.

~Shaun

What is High Functioning ADHD?

Day 4: High Functioning ADHD

So many of the women I work with have felt this way.

I did.

You may not really even know what ADHD is, but you HAVE had a sneaking suspicion that you kinda, sorta are ADD some of the time.

You may be forgetful, even when you don't want to be, or when you have the best of intentions.

You may have a hard time coming up with a word you're looking for in a conversation. Often feeling like something that you want to say is "on the tip of your tongue, but just out of reach"

You may find yourself in situations where had you remembered ahead of time, you could have taken care of something one way, but because you remembered at the very last minute (just in the nick of time) you had to come up with a creative solution to get the job done. (Also known as McGyvering)
 

If these things sound familiar, you may be a person (myself included) that I lovingly refer to as having high functioning ADHD.

For the longest time, you may have moved along through life pretty well, and then it seemed that out of the blue, something happened and you felt less able to cope. Less able to manage all of the moving parts of this day to day thing we call life.

If you look at two specific groups,

1) those that are diagnosed with ADHD and have had symptoms of it throughout much of their life (often diagnosed in childhood and often treated with medication), and

2) those that do not have ADHD or its symptoms,

You may think to yourself on the one hand "well, I don't really feel like I fit into either group. I don't think I need medication. I have managed to get along pretty well in life. I'm not hyperactive. I can hold down a job. I can focus sometimes. It's not THAT bad."

On the other hand, you know that you struggle more than those around you with details and organization.

You may

• be time-challenged

• have a hard time focusing on certain types of work

• catch yourself running up and down the stairs 4-5 times forgetting what you went up for each time.

• read the same page of a book multiple times, each time reaching the bottom and wondering what it was you just read (that is if you read books at all!)

• have so many projects started and not many finished.

You just don't fit in a neat tidy box.

You're quirky and unique and a bit unorthodox. You're creative and personable and very often kind. (More about this in another blog post.)

What does that mean about you and ADHD?

Chances are if you've felt overwhelmed, scattered, forgetful, stuck, distracted, unorganized, confused and you've Googled anything about ADHD you may have high functioning ADHD.

It's not an "official" term mind you.

It just means that you experience the common symptoms of ADHD, but maybe to a lesser degree than those that have been diagnosed. You may very well have ADHD (you should always talk to your Dr. if you suspect that is the case and want to seek out a formal diagnosis.)

So what now? 

• ADHD is all about managing your mind - The tools that you use to manage your mind will be different depending on the degree that your life is affected.

• Nothing's broken. Every person on the planet has to manage their mind, lest it get the better of them. Some of us need to manage it a little more than others.

• The label is helpful if it helps you, and not helpful if it doesn't. Knowing that ADHD affects the part of your brain responsible for making decisions and organizing and prioritizing and remembering is why it's helpful to know about it. It can give context to what you may be experiencing. That's all.

Tell me, what are your thoughts?

If you suspect you may be struggling with ADHD type of symptoms and wpuld like someone to talk to to sort it all out. Let’s jump in a call! We jump on Zoom, from the comfort of your own home. You tell me your story and ask me any questions. I’m completely at your service for 45 minutes.

The only way to change things is to try something different. 

Click here to book a free mini-session.

Finishing Things - ADHD Excitement: The Beginning is Always Fun

Today I want to share a video with you that talks about being a person that starts a million projects and struggles to finish one.

Are you a strong starter but poor finisher?

Do you consider yourself more of a sprinter vs. a marathoner (hypothetically speaking)

The shiny object syndrome is something that many people with ADHD struggle with.

When something is new and exciting it can be so fun to jump in.

As soon as the shine wears off, it can become boring and not as fun.

It is easy to just jump to a new shiny thing and leave the unfinished projects in the past.

Many times, those of us with ADHD tendencies have a strong belief that this is just the way it is and nothing can be done about it.

In this video, I’d like to give a new perspective. You can believe that you’re a strong finisher at any time and believing that will actually help you to finish more often.

Click the video below to see what I mean, and then come back and leave a comment letting me know what you think. ~Shaun