You Never Have To Feel Overwhelmed Again

Day 10: Overwhelm

Have you ever been so overwhelmed that you felt stuck and had no idea what to do next?

I remember clearly a time when my day to day activities came to a screeching halt.

Overwhelmed.

The feeling was so hard to manage.

It felt like I was juggling balls while spinning ceramic plates in the air. Slowly I could anticipate each plate dropping one by one while I stood by helpless. Unable to prevent them from hitting the ground.

The feeling felt tight and closed off, like I was holding my breath and clenching my fists.

I could literally hear the sound of plates breaking as they dropped in my mind.

It felt like I didn’t have enough hands to catch them all.

My brain was frozen and no solutions were in sight.

Another image I had during that time was of me floating in an ocean, no land in sight. I didn’t have a life preserver and the water was deep and choppy. It felt like I had been floating for days. I couldn’t tread water any longer. Every now and then I’d sink under and then suddenly bob up gasping for air. It was such a heavy and terrifying feeling.

I remember having both of these images come to me during the day. It was like a daydream (nightmare really). My thoughts were all consuming.

I couldn’t focus.

It felt like tears were on the verge of appearing all of the time.

The pressure was just too much.

I tried to come up with solutions, solve some of the problems.

I thought I just had too much to do and that I needed to adjust my schedule. Cut some things out.

What I know now is that overwhelm is a feeling.

It’s caused by the thoughts that I think.

When I feel it now, I get curious about what I’m thinking. Things like:

*I’ll never get all of this done.

*This feels impossible.

*I’m in over my head.

*I’m losing my mind.

*I’m so overwhelmed.

These thoughts do nothing to help me.

In fact, they keep me spinning.

No matter how much is happening on any given day I can choose how I want to feel about it.

Overwhelmed is never a feeling that I choose on purpose.

Determined, capable, persistent, organized, clear headed, focused.

These are all feelings that bring me forward motion.

How do you want to feel the next time your to-do list is too long?

Hope over to my Facebook page and let me know in the comments!

~Shaun

No Big Deal: How to Know When to Let Something Go

Day 3: Self Confidence

No Big Deal

I remember my mother in law saying these three words a lot.

She had a stroke in her 40s and eventually ended up in an alzheimers home with dementia.

She became a bit of a social butterfly there.

Going from room to room, visiting friends.

She seemed happy, although in her own world and often not able to remember the details of who we were.

She smiled a lot.

She said “no big deal” a lot.

I think sometimes it was prompted by the look of concern or worry on our faces.

I started then to really think about what that phrase means.

For me, I remember thinking it when something really was kinda a big deal. (Or at least a big deal to me)

As a way of not feeling disappointed. Because disappointment felt terrible.

Or as a way of reframing somthing that I perceived as “negative”.

As a way of avoiding the bad feeling that was sure to follow.

Sometimes when you have adhd tendencies, it can feel like you experience things differently than most people.

It can be hard to regulate emotions. We can tend to react quickly, overreact or make things mean something negative about us. We can take things personally. Be overly sensitive to criticism.

I used to ask myself “what is a big deal to most people? Is this a big deal to most people?

What does a typical day feel like to most people? What does planning feel like for most people?

Is this an appropriate reaction? Am I normal?”

Those questions were an attempt to make sure I fit the mold of being reasonable, acceptable. Fit in with what was expected.

When I’m trying to decide if something is a big deal to me or not, if I want to speak up or not, I use different questions now. Questions that feel more personal to me.

1) Is it a big deal to me, yes or no? Why?

2) Do I like my reason for speaking up?

3) What is my motivation behind speaking up?

Ultimately you’re the only one that can decide if something’s a big deal or not. That will vary from person to person.

What if there is not a “typical answer”? Or a correct response?

Guess what? There isn’t!

In the realm of people pleasing, there are times something will bother us and we will choose to speak up.

There are times something will bother us and we will choose not to speak up.

Both are ok as long as we’ve checked in with ourselves.

If we’re not speaking up because we don’t want to “rock the boat” we’re probably operating from a fearful place, and worrying about what others may think of us. We may want to notice that and decide if that’s really how we want to respond.

If we’re not speaking up because it is truly not worth our time and is actually not a big deal, we may like that reason and stay quiet, and just let it go.

If you find yourself feeling anxious from time to time, like you’ve got something to say but would rather not “cause a scene”, or step into a potential confrontation, it may be worth exploring.

If you’re afraid that what you want to say to someone may hurt their feelings, let’s talk. There’s another way and it feels so much better.

Book a 45 minute consultation using the button below and experience how coaching can help.

The Curse of Indulgent Emotions: How You're Creating Mental Stress

Confusion, Overwhelm, Doubt, Worry, Exhaustion and Busyness, are emotions that we indulge in far too often.

What do I mean by indulge?

We choose to feel them, because they keep us from feeling things that we imagine will be far worse.

The definition of indulge is, “to allow oneself to enjoy the pleasure of.” Wait what?

We don’t enjoy the pleasure of worry or staying busy…or do we?

These indulgent emotions have a way of making us feel like we’re doing something productive and important in the short run, when truthfully, they are keeping us from achieving the results that we want in our lives.

That is why they are indulgent, they cost us our dreams.

Have you ever felt super busy and then arrived at the end of your day with nothing really important to show for it?

The busyness took over. It can feel like you’re taking massive action. When in reality you’re staying busy doing a whole lot of not much.

And what about worry? This sums it up pretty well.

" Worrying is a lot like a rocking chair, 
it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. "

GLENN TURNER

Take a look at the short video below, that takes a closer look at how indulgent emotions may show up in our lives. Another tendency that you may want to learn more about is All or Nothing Thinking and ADHD. You can read more about that by clicking here.

Let's talk indulgent emotions with Shaun Roney of Revealed Path Life Coaching.